I am really scared of writing this third blog, since I will relive some of the hurtful memories of the end of 2021. 2021 was all about Corona: it started with it and grew more and more into a full out Corona narrative with little room for any other topic. Not only due to my work in the health sector but also due to my emphatic mind to high-risk personal, I did all kind of social distancing, researched everything about Corona cases, transmitting ways, and the vaccinations. I would take PCR tests daily and sometimes twice a day if I had an important meeting the next day and wanted to reduce the risk of not getting my test result in time, since PCR lab results can take up to 24 hours. It was such a routine of constantly testing, checking Corona news, and researching new governmental restrictions, that it became the new normal. Because of all those new uncertainties, meeting friends, going to a restaurant, or even seeing my boyfriend who did not live in Austria but in Germany, became a rarity. It was such too risky and too high was the possibility of becoming a Corona spreader or being stuck in quarantine, well, or actually both. I guess, you can see the picture, I mean, you probably were in a similar position, especially, if you were as me working in a hospital during 2021…

Like most people, I had high hopes for the Corona vaccination, since at the start it was said, that one vaccination shot was supposed to prevent you from getting Corona and transmitting it at all. Even though, this was soon to be revoked, and it was shown that you will still get infected and transmit it, but it was stated that the possibility of a server Corona infection and with it the taking away of a hospital bed from a person in need was viewer. This was still a good enough reason for me to get vaccinated. So, I did despite still having doubts about the mRNA vaccination since it was such a new procedure without long-term studies on humans. But it was getting more and more clear, that soon there would be a mandatory vaccination in Austria anyways and the vaccination would grant me many more freedoms of being able to enter restaurants, go and play at the tennis court, and having fewer or no lockdown regulations at all as a vaccinated person. So, I did it. I signed the contract, that I am aware of all side effects of taking the Corona vaccination and that I take the risks of vaccination complication on myself. And then I got the shot. After it I meet my very good friend Silvio and had a nice dinner with him, but everything was swimming in front of my eyes. It felt like I was drunk. Actually, kind of a funny feeling. We were laughing about it and I soon went home since I was getting extremely tired. The next day, a major headache add to the dizziness, but I took pain medications and tried to get through the day. After two days, without any improvement, I went to the doctor, but he declared it as a normal vaccination side effect and subscribed me higher dosed pain medications. Unfortunately, the headaches and dizziness continued for the next week in spite of the high daily intakes of pain medications. Then it suddenly, became worse and the pain medications gave no kind of relief. During this time, I was at a training camp for voluntary civil protection and one of the paramedics suggested to do a basic checkup since I was in so much pain. After the checkup they were highly alarmed and drove me to the hospital emergency admission since my blood pressure was in a dangerous high level. There the supervising doctor subscripted more medications and pain killers but said, that I was not in such a critical condition which would justify a hospital bed and that I should go to my physician the next day since they could not find the source of my sudden high blood pressure. The following months, I was on sick leave, I was forbidden to exercise, and saw more doctors than any time before in my life. From an outside prospected it was almost comical: even though, all doctors found it peculiar that such a sudden change from low blood pressure, which was recorded in my annual checks, became such an abnormal high blood pressure, still there were strongly varying opinions about the source and contrasting recommendations. Some of the doctors directly drew a connection to my recent Corona vaccination and warned my about and further vaccination while some other doctors denied all kind of connection to the vaccination and urged me now more than ever to complete my vaccination shots since I became part of the high-risk group for a Corona infection. But most doctors would openly admit that they had no clue, since the Corona vaccination is such a new medication and that I can only wait until more facts are gathered about the vaccination to see if any conclusions can be drawn to my case. So, I waited.

During this time, I had family, my boyfriend, and friends stay with me to help me with my household, since I should rest and was mostly immobile due to constant headaches and dizziness. The more time went by without any kind of explanation or improvement, the more hopeless I started to feel. My physician recommended furthermore to rest and gave me higher doses of medication, but my blood pressure was still on a dangerous level and the days went by with me waiting for betterment. After two months, no explanation by the doctors and only conflicting recommendations, my hope and mental sanity was leaving me. I realized that no doctor would be able to help me and that if I don’t want to go insane, I have to change my situation. I had long phone calls with my mother, my boyfriend, and friends, and finally decided if I have to wait for my body to recover, then I should at least make the waiting enjoyable. So, for the first time since the last two years, I stopped researching for Corona recoveries, long Covid and medical studies but instead looked for a place with sun, nature, and as far away from restrictions as possible. The probably only open warm country during the winter of 2021 was Mexico. Therefore, I quit my job, quit my beautiful apartment in Vienna, I left all the doctors behind, and left Austria just like that. It was a risky decision since nobody knew if my body would be able to recover by itself over time or if my symptoms would get worse. But I risked it! I was mentally so desperate for any kind of change, hope, or joy in my life, it was just not worth continue living like I was for the last months.

In retro-perspective, I think, what wore me down the most was to have no control over anything, not even my body, which would just lose balance out of the blue and have strong headaches to hinder any kind of thinking. The second thing, which still hunts me, was the lack of help by the doctors. Even though all doctors had their opinion none of them wrote down a strong diagnosis and stood by it, not even my physician or cardiologist, who I visited almost weekly. Instead, I was given from one doctor to another with no one really saying anything but to wait and further rest my body without any kind of timeline when I would be back to my old strength without the dizziness, headaches, and tiredness. During that time a lot of bitterness, filled me, since I took the Corona vaccination not for myself but to relieve the strain on our health system and now this health system just left me waiting without answers. I also avoided talking about the timely overlap of my Corona vaccination and my symptoms, since I made the heartbreaking discover, that by talking about possible negative side-effects of the Corona vaccination, people would start insulating me as a Corona denier. 2021 at it end, was truly in a Corona showdown and from mainstream to extremist right, extremist left, or just extremist conspirator were pumping hate and division into society: if you are not for us you are against us! The platform for any respectful discussion was gone. Emotions rushed offer before facts could be exchanged or reasoned with. I just had to leave. I could not stay!

Luckily, my body was able to handle all the extra stress of quitting my job, moving out, and traveling. It was an emotional time since despite all disagreements at my work, I was genuinely sad to quit. And despite Austria being the strictest Corona regulated country in Europe, I still loved Vienna, its art scenery, its majestic parks, and the international crowd living in it. And even after my sick leave of two months with almost never leaving my apartment, I still had so many good memories with it, and when would I ever have a community swimming pool in the basement? I have had so many luxuries during my time in Vienna that I am so extremely thankful for. Especially, the people who I was privileged to meet and call my friends. But it was time to go. I had to close this chapter. When it was finally time, I woke up at 3 am went with my big suite case to the train station and could not close an eye despite the early hour. The check-in at Frankfurt am Main was chaotic but eventually I was entering the plane, sat at my seat and closed the seat belt. The anticipation of the last days rolled over me and I was silently crying when the plane to Mexico took off.

25. October 2022

Mexico changed me in so many ways. When I came to Mexico, I was euphoric to be out of the Corona lockdown but at the same time had many scars or worse still open, let’s call it, wounds of the Corona area. Luckily, I met incredible people, who inspired me and through which I was able to find new aspiration. So let me display my healing process and which inspirations I included into my life after Mexico.

The decision to leave my stable job in Austria and leave everything behind took all of my energy, so when I came to Mexico, I was exhausted. The excitement for the completely different setting of sunshine, palm trees and not the constant Corona politics gave me energy but as soon as I let my mind wander fears and bad memories would catch me. Next to that I still had not complete control of my body, but more to that in another blog. For me the best thing against bad thoughts is the adrenalin from exercising. So, I established a routine of exercising every morning for at least 30 minutes. Therefore, the first thing I had to decide in the morning was if I try to improve my running or try out a new Online workout or my go-to arms and legs workout of Ballet Beautiful and GrowwithJo. After the workout and my first shower of the day (yes, because of the warm temperatures, often it would not stay by just one shower), I would go out to get fruits. Amazingly, since a few years bigger supermarkets are required to sell fruits and vegetables to fight the obesity problem in Mexico and everywhere you can find delicious Avocados. In my first Airbnb I had a fruit market on the other side of the road and had the luxury of getting cut watermelons, pineapples, apples, watermelons, and fruits such as Mamey Sapote or Cherimoya, which I did not even know before. But many times, I would also just get something to prepare something at home, such as, banana-oatmeal or bread with cheese (if I would find bread or cheese which would fulfill my German taste requirements).

Of course, I would not eat the whole time alone. For this you have to know, that I stayed over three months in Playa del Carmen, a beautiful beach town with everything one can desire. You can find much party in the center with beach bars and clubs, but if you go to the less central beaches than you can have empty areas just for yourself and it is highly recommended to check out the Cenotes, which are clear waters in the middle of the jungle, or the ancient cultural sights close by of Playa del Carmen. As you can guess, Playa del Carmen is a wonderful place to enjoy and not uncommon to stay longer than planned in Playa del Carmen. I am one of those people who stayed longer, and I met even more people who already stayed long or were building their new home in Playa del Carmen. One of these wonderful human beings is Carlos, who I meet in the first weeks, since he lived in my Airbnb and was also an ambitious runner and would run with me in the morning. Carlos left Canada due to the mandatory vaccination for all employees of the service sector and already got his Mexican residence permit and was building up his new work in the Playa del Carmen area. He was one of the many inspiring people I met, and I realized how easy it actually is to start living somewhere else, at least if you have some money. His story and positive attitude made me realize how many unreasonable fears I had, and also which privileges money offers you. During the Corona times I felt like all control and self-determination was taken from me and the more time I spend in Playa del Carmen the more I gained back my sense of self-determination and independence. Next to that I also have to thank Carlos for the wonderful smoothies and superfoods he provided me, he really grew on me, and I wouldn’t mind spending another new year eve with him.

But my probably longest friend in Playa del Carmen was John, who had to bear my hopeless mind spinning’s of never being able to get back on my feet and fulfill my dreams of an amazing career in a big international company. The long walks, deep talks and enormous breakfasts with him and his loyal better half Obi were what I really needed, and I am so thankful for those wonderful times together.

Another person I am so thankful to have met is Jennifer. Unfortunately, I met here close to the end of my Playa del Carmen time, but she is one of the nicest people I ever met! So, if you ever have the privilege to meet here than you start to understand the cliché why Canadians are rumored to be the nicest human beings on earth. We were laughing so much, and I loved the girly times we have and hope to meet her soon again and talk about all our crazy thoughts and revelations about the world, because we definitely have plenty... Trust me!

My getaway to Playa del Carmen wouldn’t have been the same if I wouldn’t have met Theo. He inspired me to cultural trips, knew everything about the Mayans and shared an insect taco plate with me. I mean if this isn’t cultural devotion than I don’t know what is. We enjoyed our German conversations while discovering every unknown street in Playa del Carmen and probably walked multiple marathons together. But Theos knowledge does not only include culture and history, but he also connected me to more incredible in Mexico, like Dennis, who gave up Germany for Mexico, and Oscar, who showed me whole Mexico-City and its Party grounds.

And if we are talking about party then I have to mention my party crowd of Playa del Carmen: Alexis, Jakob, Phil, Simon and Sven. We were a nice mix of Canada, France, Germany, and the UK. It all started on a boat; Sven had the glorias idea to go on a Catamaran Sailing trip to Isla Mujeres and communicated it through one of those many infamous WhatsApp groups of Playa del Carmen. So, I did not even know anybody really, I just knew that Sven organized a workout before and that he was staying with others in the popular Selina Hostel from which I knew already some people. But just by signing up on this Sailing trip, which was amazing by the way, I was thrown into an ongoing adventure of trips to Cenotes, beaches and most definitely partying. This group of amazing people would grow and decrease over my time in Playa del Carmen, fortunately Jakob was there with me almost until the end and we even made it to the Selina Resort Hostel in Tulum and Chichen Itza, yes, just one of the 7 New Wonders of the World…

But until now, I have left one big part of my Playa del Carmen time activities out, which is: Karaoke! Yes, I discovered Karaoke in Mexico. I actually only did Karaoke once in Beijing and never again until I came to Playa del Carmen! Already for a long time, I wanted to revive my songwriting skills, which I trade in first for my obsession of drawing Comics as a teen, then for my obsession of going out and partying, and I guess in the end for my obsession of (finally) graduating university as fast as possible. Even though, I had more time after starting to work, I never really had the peace of mind to lose myself again in songwriting until my time in Mexico… But yes, during my time in Playa del Carmen, I dived in full heartedly and practiced my singing voice, too. And how better to practice your singing voice, than through practicing karaoke. Fortunately, I quickly found Toni, who loved singing Karaoke and I was even able to convince him to try out the stage with me at Club Social Karaoke Box for a duet.

And last but not least, I have to name Liam and Michael. While the first impressed me with his extra-ordinary academic background, his career as an actor, perfect self-though German, Spanish and probably more languages I do not even know about, the second has lived for many years in South America and successfully manages the clash of German and Mexican cultural differences in international companies. But one thing that both Liam and Michael have, is that they are open for every adventure and have impressed me with their unusual lifestyles and choice of careers in Mexico City.

Yes, I got to know so, so many people. I already wrote two pages and still have not even mentioned everybody… But overall, this time-out in Mexico gave me new perspectives regarding lifestyles, career, and risk-taking. I had so many talks about life goals, wishes, and perspectives of happiness. Now I have grown so much and have the courage to establish my own company and be more relaxed even if everything is completely unpredictable. I met so many extraordinary people, who are doing what their love without having a 5-years-plan, hell, some not even a 1-month-plan, and they are still alive, they are not living on the street, they are enjoying life and maybe don’t have a fortune but the privilege of freedom. And I guess, this is what I want to have if the next Corona Lockdown hits Europe. I hope it will not happen, but I just want to be prepared for it and be flexible on the challenges that life gives me. So, yes, if you feel that you are not anymore on the right way, then take your time to reevaluate your goals, get inspired by others and do not let your fears control you!

10. July 2022

So, I guess, I cannot deny it: I am one of does people, who needed a mental break of Corona. I was away for almost 4 months in probably the last open country for a warm vacation: Mexico. I gave up my work, my apartment, my residence in Austria and flew away. And a month ago I came back to my home country Germany. How did it feel to come back after giving everything up? How did my friends and family react and how am I doing now? If I had to answer those questions in one sentence, then I would say: I am doing better then ever and get much approval from all sides, that it was in my situation the best thing I could have done.

Now that I am back, I reflected on which things I missed the most during my time away and I am enjoying tremendously since I am back. The most important will be my boyfriend, family, and friends. Since I am already, unfortunately, very experienced in long-distance-relationships, I guess I was able to deal with it much better than most. Now I am enjoying the much-needed quality time with the love of my life and every second with him feels even better than before. I guess, the time away from him has shown me once more, that we belong together and that we will wait for each other and make it work under all kind of challenges. I mean, how amazing is that to have such amount of trust?!

Next to him, I came back and was able to reconnect with all the other inspiring people in my life. I was traveling around and the most memorable thought on my mind was how free we are in reality and how many possibilities this freedom brings. Well, of course, the amount of money on your bank account might has to be considered, too…

Just a few decades ago you would have to apply for a visa or at least pass the border control to travel inside Europe and now? I mean, there are some fallbacks since Corona, but in total citizens of an European country are pretty free to choose where to live and where to work, especially with all the new options of remote work. I enjoyed this uncomplicated traveling in Europe, where I was able to just fly over to Vienna or travel to Berlin. And when I did, all my friends agreed that me moving to Mexico over the Corona winter was the right decision in my case. When I left in the winter, it was all quite mixed up and so some of my friends didn’t even knew the whole story behind me quitting. I guess it must have sound even more wonderful and enjoyable than it felt in the situation itself. More than one voiced their admiration for my move to quit and questioned their own choice of staying despite wanting to quit. Which is crazy in one way, even with all the privileges of living in Europe, it seems too many are unhappy, but maybe this is just a societal characteristic of complaining and wishing to live the Instagram propaganda. Who knows…

Next to reconnecting with friends, I like the aspect of being able to earning money again. During my time in Mexico, I was on a Tourist visa, and of course I could have tried to earning money remote but I was not ready and it would have probably being not even close to my European engineer salary. Now, I have all kind of job opportunities and even an additional Master degree, which I finished during my stay in Mexico. So I guess, I could sell Mexico even as an educational break since I had my final exam during that time…

Otherwise, I am glad, that I did not miss much during my absence. I mean, most of the time there was a Lockdown in most European countries so nothing to do but to work. Which does not mean, that I do not like to work, not at all, my boyfriend calls me many times a workaholic, but I guess I need to have the feeling of being in control myself if I want to work or enjoy life. And this is most definitely a thing I missed, the concept of planning out my week and to have a steady sports routine of running, Tennis, hiking, and swimming. Since during my stay at Mexico, I continued in most cases just my private, Corona-homework-out. And last but not least, I on one hand hope to get back in my career-driven life-structure, since I have to admit, that I liked to be admired for my work ethic. But on the other hand, I am not sure, I even need a career to feel fulfilled and successful in life. I guess, my timeout in Mexico has changed many of my perspectives on self-fulfillment. And to be honest, right now, I don’t know completely what I want but I am so relaxed with the concept of not having a completely worked out plan. Who would have thought that I would ever live life without a plan?!

Nevertheless, even without a right plan, I am confronted with having to plan much in the face of Corona. And with this we come to the things, which I did not miss during my time in Mexico. First of all, the daily changing Corona restrictions, which have to be checked before every restaurant visit (I guess now not as much anymore as in April). And the general aspect that someone out of the norm will get punished by bureaucracy. I mean, I am sorry, that I worked the last years in Vienna, took a break in Mexico and now have the audacity to return to the German system, which only deals with people who live, work and especially STAY in Germany. Many times, when I talk with the office clerk, I have the feeling that I am the first person, whoever did such an unbelievable thing… Yeah, navigating inside the German bureaucracy was most definitely not a thing I missed.

Another unfortunate aspect of staying at one area is that the possibility of meeting new, international, and inspiring people is usually reduced. At this moment, I am trying my best to counteract this aspect by moving to Berlin. But by doing that without a settled job, I am as well, introducing myself to more uncertainty. While uncertainty holds risk as well as opportunity, I am regardless of my adventure’s mindset, not a risk averse person.

So, in total, being back in Europe has the following positive aspects for me: reconnecting easily with important people of my life, ability to earn a high salary, most things have stayed the same without me having missed much, having back my old routine with sports and getting stuff done. On the contra, I am looking not forward to the aspects of complex Corona restrictions, complex bureaucracy, fewer inspiring meetups, and jumping into an uncertain work field in Berlin.

As you have probably, figured out by now, for me the positive aspects are by far overweighting the negatives aspects of being back. With probably the strongest point being the love of my life. In general, I am so thankful for having have had the opportunity of quitting and stepping out to meet all those inspiring people during my travel. I think it has made me braver and calmer, that even if the plan won’t work out or if I just don’t have a plan, then I always have the possibility to take a break without disastrous consequences.

20. May 2022